It's been 3 months since I got the news and until now I still cringe remembering that night when I cried like hell, that night when Ox, Love and Nikko stayed beside me until I was able to let my crying subside just for even a while. It was something I think I will never forget. I must say I have never felt so depressed in my entire life because I thought I could never fail in anything at all. My mind was so cramped up with that incorrigible notion that it tore me to pieces when I found out I failed.
Fast forward to now, I don't think I have entirely recovered from the pain. It is just too much to take and the terrible wrathed-feeling hasn't left me. The loneliness still creeps in and I still get sad despite my smiles and laughs. I am very much happy, yes, but that part of my life has left such indelible mark. It feels like they have nailed it on me and it causes pain from time to time. I've never been over it. It's just that I'm better at controlling my emotions now. I see it now as a joke especially from people I am very very very much close to. I owe such resilience I have to my friends, family and buddy. I don't think I'd find enough strength to wake up to a new day and actually face this horrendous chapter had it not for them.
Now is another phase. At this very moment I am typing, I feel a bit weak. I sort of think of what could've been but I'm trying to block all negative thoughts. I keep on telling myself that there's nothing to be sad about. I should start counting my blessings and not my troubles.
I know how what happened made a few people happy (duh! galing mismo sa kanila haha). At first it pained me to know they did find such satisfaction from that failure but after 3 months, I really no longer give a damn about them. I'll live my life, they'll live theirs and I guess they should give me credit for making them happy for some time.
And yes, I have fallen. I have fallen more in love with the people who keep on trying their best to make forget. :)
This next phase is for them. :) and well maybe, for the other THEM as well. :)
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